"Say What You Need To Say" [John Mayer]

I almost lost a friend yesterday. She posted a status on Facebook that led her loved ones to believe she was in danger of harming herself... and - sadly - she was. Although she had recently moved to a new state, her friends and family were able to contact 911 and professionals quickly arrived at her home. I do not know the details of my friend's plan - or attempt - to end her life; however, I do know that the response from those who care about her is to be commended. My friend is alive today, because her life matters... to her friends and her family... despite her inability to see her own worth. Sometimes our vision is clouded by our thoughts, our circumstances, our diseases, our fears. It is during those times that communication is not only important, but it is crucial.

Over the past three years,many of you have read my Letter to the Editor, printed in the Mobile Press Register, July 5th, 2008. I thank you for your support, and I will continue to post it, if only to reach one more person. There are people around us who are suffering, and we each have the ability to make a difference. Thanks so much for your time and interest. Please maintain an open mind and a compassionate heart.
All my love,
~ aeb :)

The Elephant in the Living Room...

I never really liked to say the word. Instead, I would use such terms as “disappear” or “go away”. The concept felt so taboo, so unacceptable, so misunderstood. The thoughts were unrelenting, and the reality painfully grim. Suicide was (and still is) the “elephant in the living room”… a silent killer… and the cause of approximately 35,000 deaths in the United States, alone, each year (NIMH).

Through the world’s eyes, I am a successful woman, yet I have never been able to meet my own expectations – my self imposed standards – my full potential. For far too many years, I lived to die. I played the part of living but embraced the act of dying. As a victim of chronic clinical depression, I manifested my pain through a myriad of self destructive behaviors. Over time, these manifestations began to pervade and ravage every fiber of my being…until I prayed that each breath I took would be my last.

Two weeks ago, the body of a father, husband and businessman was discovered on a local golf course. He had taken his own life, with the aid of a hand gun. I don’t know the circumstances that surrounded the premature death of this promising young man; however, his story has compelled me to share mine - with the hope that it will provide insight to those who read it. Time and time again it has been said that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” and while this is spoken in truth, it paints a very narrow picture of the disease that drives an individual to bring an end to their existence.

In the course of depression, there are stages, the last (and most tragic) being the point of wholeheartedly believing your loved ones would be better off without you. You firmly hold that if you were to die, they could truly live. It is at this stage that you lose the ability to make rational decisions, as your tainted mind guides your thoughts and your actions. The organ that controls your ability to reason is biologically disordered. Just as you can’t walk on a broken leg, you cannot think clearly with a brain that is in need of repair.

I don’t know how to halt the increasing trend toward suicide in our country, but I do know that silence and ignorance will inevitably fuel the fire. I urge you…talk to your children, your parents, your spouses, your friends. Look into their eyes and listen intently. If you suspect trouble, don’t dismiss your suspicions. An elephant in the room should never be ignored. Communicate with the people around you. More often than not, if you have not noticed an elephant in your home, someone near you has. Please don’t allow fear, denial, busyness or stigmas determine your loved one’s fate. You can make a difference, you can break the silence, and you can save lives. If you or someone you know is suffering, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800- SUICIDE, today. Pick up the phone; there is help available. With help, you can find hope. With hope, you can begin to heal... and through the process of healing you can rediscover and learn to embrace the gift of life.